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Upward Thinking

Updated: Nov 28, 2020

When Hope Comes

March 30, 2020

5:50 am


Dear Diary,


When hope comes shining in, I must remember to grasp it since hope might be gone tomorrow. However, this hope will come again; it's hiding around the corner. Hope shines brightly, even under darkened shadows, but only for a moment. Hope is always there, even when I can't see it, glowing brightly behind the curtain.

 

When the Winds Change

March 27, 2020

2:16 am


Dear Diary,


Changes are always happening. I've lost track, following many paths, trying to find happiness and meaning. Life is full of uncertainty. The winds outside are always blowing right, then left, when least expected. The biggest lesson: how to continue on after the snowstorm. Snowstorms that make me see no further than inches from my nose until the snow's been cleared. Then I can see one foot, then finally a mile.


In a snowstorm, what I think is in front of my path is only an object's outline. When I can finally see clearly, there's a tree, right before running into its trunk. Sometimes I think the object is something else as the fuzziness from the snowstorm distorts my vision. This fuzziness makes me assume what I'm seeing and which direction I may be heading down.


The winds are always changing, throwing me off balance. Will I fall or be able to catch myself before hitting the ground? Will I be able to get up again while putting one foot forward towards a path that may not be visually clear? Without notice, another snowstorm comes, which could change my direction completely, delaying the arrival to my destination. Only the changing winds know my direction. I feel the windy snowstorms keeping secrets to where I'm headed, including when I will finally arrive at the destination station.

 

Getting Through

March 25, 2020

12:21 am

Dear Diary,


They say God doesn't give me more than I can handle. But I think humans give ourselves more than we can handle, that has nothing to do with God. I overload myself with wishing to succeed too quickly. It's great to aspire to great heights, but not when taking on too much, with not enough time to carefully finish tasks, or worse, see efforts crumble. I just never know what the future holds later on, i.e., the Coronavirus. I plan, thinking I planned the perfect plan: my life, my future, my semester, just for plans to disintegrate before my eyes, leaving me in shock.


I then have to pick up the pieces. Have to take a breath. Have to rethink my existence and what I'm doing. How much time do I have? Sometimes I feel stuck under an ocean's undertow and question, can I get off the seabed floor, or is my life situation fixed? Where is my life at this moment? Then think, where do I hope to land in the future? Remembering, there's always a future.


How many hours, days, weeks, years do I have to get through this next crashing wave, as my life continues to move forward, towards a future that's waiting.

 

Endings to Beginnings

March 24, 2020

2:45 am


Dear Diary,


Today, I woke up to the singing birds of spring early in the morning, even though the sky was gray. The birds at least gave me hope that life's moving forward, even though I understand my future destination continues to been complicated.


To keep life moving forward, sewers are being called to sew masks for our health and health professionals. During this time, I hope to do my civic duty and make some to donate, as I continue to work towards being a useful human being with a useful skillset.


I'm starting my last US history 120 incomplete assignments, which I had to take when injuring my back last semester. I hope, if I stay on course, I'll get those papers done by the end of this week, so I can move on. Then, after all is said and done, I'll be free to sew my heart out while working on my website to keep covid anxieties in check. Take what I've learned about surviving turbulent moments that hit, and work hard, again, to move onward and upward.


Life is full of beginnings and endings. When one chapter ends, another begins. Now with covid, I'm deciding if I want to transfer and continue with the brick and mortar education beyond my three AAs. It took so long to finish NVC with Political Science, History, and Graphic Design. And like many students, I'm now a junior college graduate that needs to make money.


Every day is a new 24 hours to try my best. I will only understand what this life's chaos means when I arrive at the destination, this path leads down. It's very stressful all around. However, hopefully, sewing and crochet will pull me through, even with our crumbling economy. I won't know until I get to the end of this craft maker's journey, with many hopes and wishes attached, towards hopeful new beginning.